FML, Every Day

So I know I teased you all a few months ago with a post about all the degenerates I on my commute on a daily basis, and luckily for you I finally got around to writing it. Just as a little background, here is a map of the commuter rail system. I ride the Providence line to and from Attleboro, but may be referencing some other stations along the way, so just take a minute to check out the map so you know what I'm talking about.

So the first losers I see every morning are a husband and wife duo. I usually wait in my car for the train to arrive at the station and see these 2 arrive every morning. Being only the 2nd train of the morning, the parking lot is nearly empty so these typically park in 1 of a few of their "usual spots." However, every morning, they get out of their car and look for the spot number so they can pay their parking fee. It took me about 2 weeks to remember the spot numbers that I typically park in but I have seen these 2 idiots check the spot number every day for months. It gets really entertaining when there is sand on the ground from a recent snow and they can't find the spot number. They look lost like you wouldn't believe.

The other thing that really bothers me about this couple is the wife. The husband seems like your average lawyer or office type but she seems like such a flake, and I'm basing this solely on the way I see her walk around the parking lot. She also has the butch lesbian type haircut. Not that there's anything wrong with butch lesbians, it's just that look only works for certain kinds of people and she isn't one of them. I am also occasionally treated to mornings when it's just her taking the train. Being a flakey woman, she's not the best driver and usually has some difficulty parking. Then she locks her car to go pay her parking fee, comes back to get her stuff, then locks back up to go wait in the station. What's wrong with this you may ask? Two things:

1. She could save herself a trip back and forth to her car by getting her shit together then going to pay for parking.
2. It's 5:40 in the morning. When I go to pay for my parking, not only do I leave my car unlocked because it's only 50 feet away, I leave the keys in the ignition because I leave the engine running. This lady has some paranoia issues.

Next up is this old lady with some sort of minor disability and waddles instead of walks. Normally I wouldn't make fun of an old lady who waddles but in this case it's deserved. You see, despite her slow speed, she insists on being one of the first on and off the train, slowing down everyone behind her. It's like people paying with cash on the Green Line who push and shove to be the first one on the train. They're all in a big hurry to slow everyone down.

On some occasions, I have the pleasure to see "I need and comb lady." Not much to say about her, just the fact that she thinks the I just rolled out of bed look is a good one. False.
This next winner gets on at Sharon and gets up at Ruggles so he can be the absolute first off at Back Bay. He then runs up the stairs and down to the Orange Line platform. I on the other hand, sit until we arrive at Back Bay, walk with the mob up the stairs and down to the Orange Line platform and still manage to catch the same train as this dweeb. You see, this early in the morning, the Orange Line is still exactly on schedule so that means the train comes at same time every morning, regardless of whether or not you run like a moron. The kicker is he looks like this:Regardless of the weather, he is bundled up in his hooded North Face jacket. Doesn't matter if it's snowing, raining, windy or beautiful; if it's under 45 degrees he's ready for nuclear winter.

Haha, now on to the part I'm sure you've all been waiting for, "gang bang lady." For those who missed the twitter post, on a daily basis this woman appears on the Orange Line platform like, you guessed it, she just got out of a gang bang.

The abused looking hag on the right is Gang Bang Lady

As you can see, this woman is easily 50 despite her attempts to "buy youth." Her signature look is one pant leg tucked into her furry, almost knee high boot, while the other is only half tucked in and all disheveled. Other things that bother me about her are:

• Her hair just simply pisses me off.
• On any given day she's carrying a minimum of 3 bags, sometimes 4, in addition to that fucking cup of coffee. One of these days she's going to drop something and it's going to be a yard sale all over the platform.
• Those earmuffs are even uglier in person.
• She wears her ID on lanyard that says "U.S. Government," like working for the government is something to be proud of in these times. All that tells people is you probably don't pay taxes.

I wish I had a better picture because she really is a walking joke and this picture hardly does justice.

One bright side to my wait for the Orange Line is this cutie who takes the same commuter rail train and waits nearby on the platform for the Orange Line. No picture of her simply because if someone sees you taking a picture of gang bang lady they'll just laugh but if they catch me taking a picture of a cute young girl I'll probably get arrested.

That about does it for the morning commute. The afternoon commute is far less exciting as I sit with he same group of regulars and talk about this and that. I will say however, there are several morons who get up at Mansfield and even Sharon just to be one of the first ones off at Attleboro. And of course, they're in a big hurry to go nowhere once they're off the train and just hold everyone up. I really do hate some of the inbred morons I'm forced to commute with.