John & Kate Plus 8...Divided by 2

I know it's old news, but John and Kate from the TLC show John and Kate plus 8 getting divorced. So after 5 seasons, the show will be ending in two weeks. I was a big fan of the show when it came out simply because the kids were quite adorable (and anyone who says they wouldn't kidnap Aaden given the chance is clearly lying), but over the course of the 5 seasons, I've noticed many changes in the family, and I'm now kind of glad it will be over. Yes I will miss the kids and their cute interactions but there are several other things I will definitely not miss about the show.

First and foremost on the list of things I now despise about the show is the super bitch herself: Kate. From the very beginning of the series you could tell she was an over-controlling Bitch (with a capital B). I can count on one hand the number of episodes she didn't bitch out John about one trivial thing or another. Whether it was interrupting him and snidely correcting him while in the interview chair, or telling him to do something and promptly yelling at him 5 minutes later for doing what she just told him to do, she did it like a professional asshole. It was so clear so early on that she was such a bitch that I actually predicted by the end of season 1 that they would never make it. My girlfriend can confirm it, but I did say something along the lines of:

"Damn she is such a bitch to him. I bet he sticks around until they're off to college and then he ditches her ass."

We chuckled and continued to watch the series and around season 4 sometime I noticed something that made me think, "Holy shit, I might have been right." It was about a month or two before their relationship problems became public that I noticed that Kate was starting to dress sexier. Not that there is anything wrong with a mom starting to take an interest in herself after her kids are out of the infant stage, but given her nature and the extreme degree of the change I knew something was up. She went from wearing loose, comfortable, very "mom length" shorts, T-shirts (especially that black mom^8 that she wore in like every other episode), and Crocs (we all know my feelings about those abominations) to wearing tight fitting mini dresses (some of which are probably too short for a mom and simply say I'm trying too hard) and heels in every episode, regardless of where they were going. Food shopping? Dress and heels. Beach? Dress and heels. 10 hour car ride for a vacation? You get the point. She was clearly a woman back in the search for a man. The very next week they started airing the commercial for the season 4 finale with Kate saying "I don't know if we're gonna make it." Probably not since you've clearly put yourself back on the market.

Staying on the topic of Kate and my complete contempt of most things out of her mouth, lets talk about the God awful hair cut she's been sporting for the past 2 seasons. Way back at the beginning she had beautiful long blonde hair and it got shorter and shorter every season and ended up with with the ridiculousness we all witnessed in season 4 & 5. I don't know how anyone could believe that combing up the back of your head into some sort of half incomplete looking hairstyle is attractive, but not only can someone believe that, they could also convince Kate that it looked good. All it does is show off her uncolored roots while looking like an epic cowlick from the front. Oddly enough, in one episode she mentioned her eternal dislike of Joel's daily cowlick. Are you starting to see the duplicity she spit out for 5 seasons?

The last part in this 3 part series known as "I hate Kate," was her over excitement to push organic food. While in the interview chair with the producers she would go out of her way to point out that she fed her kids organic food. It was always organic this and organic that, and I got completely fed up with it one time when she used the word organic 3 times in one sentence. She even had her kids (the older ones anyways) brainwashed to the point where they thought then needed vitamins when they went away and wouldn't be eating organic. It pissed me off that she thought she was better than the rest of us who don't eat organic food and made it a point to advertise her superiority over us whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Then Christmas came early for me this summer when European researchers released research that showed there is no significant nutritional difference between organic food and conventionally grown food. (Google it, there's plenty of sources). It made me want to bang on her door and rub it in her face, "Hey, guess what, you're not better than me because you spend 10 bucks for a head of lettuce." Christmas in July, it was fabulous.

Now, I'm not gonna let John off the hook that easily. I didn't really have a problem with anything he did on a regular basis during the 5 season of the show and was actually a big fan of his the few times he stood up to Kate for bitching him out in public. Even when everyone was throwing him under the bus during the divorce because he was running around with 20 year olds, I was still not completely against him. Could he have handled the divorce better? Yes, but after 5 years of raising 8 kids with a super nag for a wife, what guy isn't going to get the hell out of dodge as fast as he can. On the other hand as well, all of American saw what a bitch Kate was and what a laid back and relaxed guy John was, so of course women are flocking to single John faster that men are flocking to single Kate. Men across America know what they are in for if they get involved with Kate, and seriously who would want that. However, even in my good graces, John found a way to be a dumb ass and piss me off too.

Penelty - dumb ass for penalty.

Aside from the stunning grammar in your sign, let me see if I've got this right. You break your filming contract with TLC and run away to New York so you can have nothing to do with your bitch of an ex wife, and then have the balls to turn around and say they can film the show anymore? What a douche. For 5 years you and your family got more free handouts from resorts and tourist destinations, because of your show, than the Make-A-Wish foundation could ever dream of, but now that you're divorced and not getting the freebies yourself, you claim the show isn't healthy for the kids. Right. Get your head out of your pompous ass and learn how to spell penalty, dumb ass.

The last thing I won't miss about the show is the super bratty, soon to be bitchy, attitude of Mady, one of the older twins. She is clearly following in her mother's footsteps and throws one hell of a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. She needs a good smack to the backside and to learn that most families can only dream of the treatment they get. Speaking of privilege, I hope they realize how well they've had it, all because of this TV show. Without the show, nobody would know who they are; they wouldn't be getting free invites to Taos for a week of skiing or an invite from Disney world to come meet the entire cast of actors, or any number of the private tours and attention their family has received. Would I like to spend a day skiing in Utah with a local pro? Hell yes. Is it ever gonna happen? Not unless I have 10 kids and a TV show.

It's truly sad to see just how much they have gotten simply because they have their own TV show, and don't even realize how lucky they are. Hopefully they'll figure it out once the show is over.